Yesterday we had a snuggle and watch movies in bed day. Late afternoon Tatum was laying on me. She scooted down to lay between my legs with her head on my stomach. She sat up, faced me, rubbed and patted my stomach, and said, "Mommy your getting fat. Your tummy is getting fat". As the saying goes, 'Out of the mouths of babes' ☺! She then laid back down. She repeated this several times, rubbing and patting my stomach and telling me I'm getting fat. She asked several times why I was getting fat.
Dustin and I could see the wheels in her brain spinning. She noted Daddy wasn't getting fat nor was she, only Mommy. She then asked, "Mommy, do you have a baby in your tummy?". She is so perceptive it blows my mind. (This wasn't the first time she asked. Before, I side stepped the question by telling her she was in my tummy when she was a baby.) After a quick glace at Dustin I answered, "Yes, there is a baby in Mommy's tummy". Tatum asked if is was Baby Payton. We told her Payton was in Heaven, the baby in Mommy's tummy was a different baby. Tatum was quite for a few moments. Dustin asked, "Do you know what that means?" No response. We told her the baby was her brother or sister. Her face light up. She asked many age appropriate questions; "Is the baby a girl or boy?", "Is the baby a sister or brother?", "What's the baby's name?". She also asked some advanced for her age questions; "Where does the baby go potty?" and "How does the baby eat?". We answered her questions simply and honestly. She told us she wanted the baby to be a girl and to name her "Alex Girl".
Then her nesting began. She made a mental list of all the items we needed for the baby. "We need to buy diapers. We need to buy wipes. We need to buy changing table. We need to buy car seat. We need to buy milk. We need to buy bottles. She can use my baby's [dolls] bottles". We let her know we would buy all the things the baby needed and she could help pick everything out, but the baby wouldn't be here for a few more months. She was so excited she told us, "I can help change her. I can help feed her. She can sleep with me. I will give her lot of snuggles and kisses". Tatum's response was sweet and adorable (you can probably imagine all her facial expressions that went along with the conversation), but extremely anxiety provoking.
This morning I woke to a little voice, "Mommy I don't want Kitty to ruin the baby". Not believing what I heard I asked her to repeat it. She again said, "I don't want Kitty to ruin the baby". I was sleeping on my side with the cat on top of me. I assured her the cat wouldn't harm the baby. She immediately started her mental list of baby needs. However, this time wasn't content with a mental list. She grabbed a piece of paper from the printer and pen to write it down. She added a few things for herself ☺.
On the way to daycare she said, "We need a car seat for our baby. The baby can sit right next to me. I'd love the baby to sit next to me. We need to buy a car seat for Mommy and Daddy's car. Not anyone else's car. We have to keep our baby safe". By this point fear was taking ahold of me. I thought 'if only I could keep this baby safe'. She continued, "Some people want to take our baby". I asked what she meant. She answered, "Some people take babies. I don't want people to take our baby. We have to keep our baby safe". My heart broke for my sweet poor little girl. As excited as she is she must have her own fears. I assured her we would do anything we could to keep our baby safe (even if I don't believe it).
Now that Tatum knows about Sport we are even more scared. Tatum cannot loss another sibling. Before we could protect her from a possible loss and go about the day without thinking of it. That has all changed.
I've joked with Dustin that I feel like an elephant, not because of size but because I feel like this has been the longest pregnancy ever. This pregnancy just got longer. And I miss Payton more!
