St. Patty's day fishing with dad!

Normally St. Patty's day in Colorado is cold and snowy. This year was about 75 degrees so Tatum and I went fishing. I baited her Barbie pole and threw it in. As I was setting up my pole.... "daddy daddy I have a fish". There no way she has a fish so I calmly walked over and surely she had a fish. It got off five feet from the shore. She was sad.... So I rebaited her line and threw it back out. As I started to set up my line "daddy daddy I have a fish" and she did but we pulled this one up. She was so happy. I rebaited her line, started to set up mine again and would you believe it.. .Another fish. Tatum and her Barbie pole caught 2 (and almost) 3 fish before I even got my line in the water

Missing Her

I consider myself a fairly private person. I’ve never been one who shares every detail of her life with coworkers, acquaintances, or random strangers she meets in the checkout line. Other than family, close friends, and nosey neighbors, no one knows my marriage fell apart about a month ago. My husband and I are separated and likely on the road to divorce. As devastating as the idea of a divorce is what I’m struggling with is missing Payton. Odd, I know. Payton has absolutely nothing to do with the current situation. In fact, I thought we dealt with losing her together reasonably well. Other than both situations were shocking- Payton’s death and my failing marriage have nothing to do with each other. Yet, I’m distraught over missing her. I’m not exactly sure why but I'm longing for her more. Maybe because once again I feel like I failed. Maybe another loss exacerbates a previous loss. Maybe because once again my life is falling apart and there is little I can do. Maybe because I will have to start working full time and miss out on precious time with Brock, and Tatum, which reminds me of the time I didn’t get with Payton. I’m in no way comparing the two. Simply meaning losing Payton has made every moment with my children more special.

I don't truly know why. I just know I’m missing her.

Lets Play Name That Baby!

Can you name which baby is Tatum and which is Brock?

 

 

Baby A

 

 

 

Baby B

 

 

 

What is your final answer....?

3 Months

 I'm a little behind posting pictures with Charlie Bear but here they are...

2 weeks

3 months



2 weeks

3 months

Woo baby has Brock grown. He's a little chunker ☺♥.

Evolution vs Creationism?

Today I had the pleasure of hearing Loretta Oakes speak. She is a fascinating woman; Christian, mother, scientist, author, and blogger. I love how she uses humor in parenting- a good reminder for all mothers. I also love that she answers the big why questions (i.e. why is the sky blue) by combining Christianity and science. To learn more about her or follow her blog check out Complementary Thoughts.

My Opinion Counts!

After years of 'retail therapy' and months of unemployment it was time to find ways to earn some extra cash. Well... an opportunity to participate in focus groups presented itself. You know, the kind you see on tv. People watch a commercial or taste types of soft drinks, or test (aka destroy) new toys, and then share their opinions. Yup, tonight I participated in my first focus group, except I didn't get to do any of the fun stuff. My group sat in a room with large mirrors and microphones discussing current events. Have to say I was surprised I past the initial screening because I know nothing about what is going on in the world. I don't watch the news or read the newspaper. My only glimpse of world events is from msn web page. Anyway, I was excited to share my thoughts and enjoyed the experience until I realized I was in the old women group :(. Reality has a way of putting a damper on anything ☺.

Dreaming of

I have been busy and exhausted adjusting to going back to work that I haven't had an opportunity to post. A few nights ago I had my first dream of Payton as a two year old. In my dream I walked into the house. Tatum immediately ran up to me, talking a mile a minute, excitedly telling me what she had done while grandma had watched her. Payton sat back content to let Tatum take center stage. I walked over to Payton. She was a combination of Tatum and Brock. She had dirty blood hair, darker than Tatum's. She had the same facial features as Tatum- same eyes (Brock also has the same eyes), nose and lips. Her face was round but not nearly as round as Brock's. She was calm, quiet, introverted. Once I went over to her and began talking to her she came out of her shell. She had the most beautiful smile. The kind of smile in which her face light up and eyes sparkled. The kind of smile where you feel blessed to have witnessed it. She also have a beautiful laugh, more beautiful than any sound I've ever heard.

I was sad when I realize dream or reality I apparently cannot have all three of my children together.