I’ve been MIA for six months. How is that possible? I’ve started posts here and there but haven’t been able to finish. Home and work life has been busy. I keep telling myself life won’t be so hectic after this or after that, but I have been saying this for six months now. I will catch up eventually, but right now I just want to express my feeling regarding a specific situation. It isn't anything huge, but at this moment it feels huge.
Brock is now 9.5-months-old. Wow isn't that crazy?! Anyway, for several months I’ve had concerns about his gross motor skills, or lack of. He didn't roll until he was 6.5-months-old. He didn't sit until 7.75-months-old (is that a real age?). Currently, he doesn't get himself into or out of a sitting position. He isn’t crawling or even getting into a crawling position. He isn’t pulling himself to a standing position nor can he hold his own weight when held up. Like I said I’ve had concerns and voiced them to his pediatrician for a few months. She always reminded me he was born five weeks early and may need some extra time. Well at his 9 month check-up she recommended he receive a Child Find evaluation to determine if he qualifies for physical therapy from Part C (special education for infants and toddlers).
This morning was his evaluation. He qualified for PT. Good, I tell myself, and rationally I know it is. But I’m feeling mixed up. Yes I’m thankful Part C services are available, but I’m also sad. He's my perfect little boy and hearing five professionals say he isn’t perfect hurts. I should mention I'm pretty emotional, as if it isn’t obvious. I'm always more emotional when I'm tired. I’m extremely tired. Brock wakes 4 or 5 times a night to nurse, but that is another post.
The evaluation process was hard… explaining why I was so fearful throughout the pregnancy, that a year and half before his sister died of a cord accident… having five professionals watch Brock’s play and watch his and I’s interaction together… hearing my perfect baby wasn’t perfect… and when I signed the paperwork I noticed the date. The 21st. 32 months ago today my second perfect baby died. Logically I know I’m over reacting. Logically I know there are far worse things in life then my son needing PT. Logically I know it’s best to get services sooner rather than later. Logically I know needing PT doesn’t make Brock not perfect. Yet logically knowing and feeling aren’t the same.
